here we are dear old friend
lalala drunk again
laughs have been had and tears have been shed
maybe the whiskie's gone to my head

but if i were gay i would give yew my heart
and if i were gay yuo'd eb my work of art
and if i were gay we would swim in romance
but im not gay so get yer hands out of my pants

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala
lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

but if i were gay i were gay i would give you my love
and if i were gay i would give yew a hug
and if i were gay we would tear the walls
but im not gay so pleez stop cuppin' my bhands!